100 things...ok not really just 6 or 7

1. Diet and exercise is not as bad as I once thought it was...It's almost kinda good...Did I really just say that??? It would be even better if weight loss was immediate and my size 12 jeans were too big for me. The reality is I have lost 4 pounds, my jeans still fit and my bra is a little loose.

2. I haven't had a Dr. Pepper in 12 days

3. This is embarrassing and I don't know why I feel the need to share this. Guess I just need to confess to feel better or maybe it's my OCD and I can't stop myself. Our dryer is broken and my son went to school without underwear for the second time in his life. I felt so bad and I worried all day that he wouldn't get his zipper up or the back of his pants would split and he would be the laughing stock of the school and be made fun of until he graduated High School. Then his sweet teacher Mrs. Fletcher would call me and tell me I was the worst mother in the world for sending my kid to school without underwear on. I have also been terribly worried that John would never forgive me if something like that happened so I have decided to go buy two new packages of underwear for him and go pick up my clean laundry from my mother -in-law's house.

4. This diet and exercise thing really got me down for a while and not for the first time I realized that when I'm down I wanna shop and I don't mean just go to the stores and look around. I want to buy. I have it figured out though. It's the instant gratification thing. I just need something to make me feel good because food and soda aren't options anymore. Good thing I have a supportive husband, wonderful friends, two beautiful kids that make me smile and laugh, some self-control and almost no budget for shopping or I could easily turn into a major shopaholic.

5. I hate quilting. Wait, hate is not a strong enough word for the way I feel about quilting. Even looking at the quilt puts me in a bad mood. I have so many mistakes on it and the thought of trying to fix them only means more to screw up, thus more time quilting. When I was a kid I always cringed when people asked a group to share their talents because I didn't have one to share. Talent show season was the worst. I wonder if I will ever discover a talent that I posses. That last sentence gave me an "ah ha" moment. Sewing is not a talent right away, it becomes a talent after a lot of practice and hard work. So I guess if I want a true talent, I will have to practice and work hard first. Dang.

6. Remember the warning I gave you when I started the blog? Read at your own risk? Well today is that day. I would love to end this post in a positive note but I can't think of anything else to say. I'm grumpy and as I write this my kids are being exposed to the cold virus through some kiddos that I'm babysitting. Anyone who knows me knows that I am more than just a little germaphobic. There was no warning either like, hey my kids have a runny nose but I don't think they are sick, can they still come over? It was just like here they are, give them some of this if they get worse. We haven't had the cold or flu all season and I was quite happy about it. In fact, I felt like we had won a battle, a major battle - we went one winter without a cold or flu. Hallelujah! Who knows, maybe the snot running down their faces is allergy related and they will feel better soon and my kids won't get sick. Yes, I know this post makes me seem a little uncaring, self absorbed and rude. I wish I could change the way I feel. Here's something positive. It's most likely just a cold and if we get it we will get over it and things will be just fine!

7. After reading through this I have realized that what I am missing is prayer. If I want to rise above these negative feelings I need to pray for myself. That's a hard thing for me to do. I love to pray for others but to ask Heavenly Father for blessings and help for me is hard. I know that through prayer I will be a better mother and wife and a better servant of Christ and I am thankful for the power of prayer and the scriptures that we have to guide and teach us.

How did a nice girl like me get into a mess like this?

Today I went to the doctor and realized that I have gained 18 pounds in one year. That's right people, 18 pounds in one year. It was easy too. All I had to do was eat too much, drink too many Dr. Peppers and sit around on my laptop way too much. So after a nervous breakdown in the doctor's office and a phone call to a friend, I have decided I'm gonna fight back. I will not sit idly by while my body stores more fat.

I am going to eat right, exercise, cry, sweat, cry avoid eating, exercise and not drink Dr. Pepper. Sadly friends, that is most likely what I will be doing for the next 6 months or so until diet and exercise become who I am not what I do.

So tonight I went to Zumba at the community center. I left with shin splints and a very wounded self-esteem. I can not keep up with the class. I can't even move my arms and legs in the right direction at the right time. My hips will not, nor have they ever moved like the 20 year old instructors hips move; nor will I ever be able to smile and clap while working out. After Zumba, I walked the track and listened to my ipod and that's when I realized that I used to fight for what I wanted and lately I haven't been a fighter. I also realized that I have won tough battles before. 7 years ago I quit smoking, two years ago I quit drinking coffee and six months ago I quit drinking Red Bulls. Believe me caffeine is mentally, physically and emotionally addictive. Saying goodbye to my beloved Dr. Pepper is going to be hard. Saying hello again to my size 10's will be worth it, or at least I hope it will be! So I guess if I want to lose weight, I am going to have to fight for it and work hard. Have I mentioned that I kinda hate working hard and I am really, really bad at self-discipline?

The title of this post is from Marjorie Pay Hinckley. What a wonderful woman she must have been! The more I learn about her and who she was, the more I love her.

So lately, I've just been thinkin about people.

"Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" that's a quote by Marjorie Pay Hinkley and those are the words that I hear when I meet people now. Not just when I meet someone but when I'm checking out in the grocery store, when I'm being waited on at a restaurant or just anywhere at any encounter. Lately I have been taking the time to just treat those people like they are significant because they are. I will ask how they are and actually care instead of asking to only be polite. There is so much to find out about the people around us. So many funny and sad stories. So many memories they have of a different times and places. The old lady at walmart who was married many years ago but lost her love when the airplane that he was piloting crashed over a field of crops. The lady who made it to work at a local fast food restaurant during one of the snow days. You could tell that she's had a hard life and has worked very hard for the better part of it and will most likely work long hours on her feet for many more years to come and will still not be able to live a comfortable life. She was getting ready to say goodbye to her youngest son who is leaving for his third tour in Afghanistan. She had tears in her eyes when I thanked her for her service to this country and let her know that being the mother of a Marine is no small job. The old man who remembers America the way it used to be when people were different and America still manufactured things and the words "made in China" meant it was junk. The way things were before the Internet and credit cards. When working hard to provide for your family was the ultimate American Dream. The funny thing that I wasn't expecting is that I have changed because of it. Last night when I went to Braum's after dinner to get ice cream for the family there was a really long line and only one lady working the counter and the register. A lady who I know is a single Mom and instead of getting annoyed at how long it was taking, a thought came to my mind: Wow, I bet she is always really tired when she gets home form work. I bet she's too tired to spend fun time with her kids and clean the kitchen. The next thought that I had was how thankful I am for my comfortable life and my sweet family. Thankful that I have a husband who loves and provides for the needs of our family and enables us to have a comfortable and happy life. Thankful that I don't have to go to bed with sore feet and a worn out body and wonder if I made enough money to pay all the bills. Thankful I can wake up and play with my kids and clean our house. So why does any of this matter? It matters to me because I feel like humanity is drifting apart, like we find it hard to relate to each other. It seems like witnessing the suffering of others is easier because we aren't connected to one another anymore. When I was 20, I read an article that named the three things that ruined America. 1. Fast Food 2. Air conditioning 3. TV. Those things ruined America because they took people away from each other. Dinners weren't being eaten together as a family anymore. Before airconditioning and tv people sat outside in the evening to cool off and talk. I feel like people needed each other more then. If someone was in need they were taken care of by their neighbors or their church, not the government. They didn't have all the stuff to keep them occupied, things like internet, tv, video games. I also think I could add a few more things to the list that ruined America but that's for another day....

So what am I going to do about it? I don't know just yet. For now, I guess I will do my part to make things better and I will pray and promise to serve others with love and compassion as my savior Jesus Christ did.

5,475 Days

5,475 days, that's how long Ryan and I have been married. It doesn't seem possible that 15 years have come and gone. It also doesn't seem possible that in the next 15 years, our sweet little ones will be 21 and 18 and Ryan and I won't be the parents of little kids anymore. I love our family just the way it is. I could play dress up, kiss the top of their heads and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the rest of my life. I promise I could! Yes, even the not so fun things sound like a fair trade right now, things like wiping bums and enduring temper tantrums, if I can just keep my life the way it is now. I know that we are so blessed. Ryan and I are young, healthy, strong and we are happy. Our parents and most of our grandparents are still here with us. We haven't endured the heartbreak of loss. Our kids are sweet, funny and huggable. We have a nice home, a wonderful family and incredible friends. I guess what I am trying to say is the last 15 years have gone by too quickly and I'm afraid the next 15 will go by even faster. Who will I be when I'm not mommy 24x7? Who will my kids be when they are 18 & 21? Will they have the strength and the knowledge they need to overcome this world? Will they still say their prayers and love the Gospel? Will they still need me as much as the air they breathe? Life will change. Ready or not, here it comes.

15 years later, I am still not the perfect wife. We haven't seen our upstairs tv remote in three days and the laundry is well...it's normal for us. Three or four clean loads to be put away and a few dirty loads of laundry on the floor, near the neat little basket that is supposed to contain it. I still ruin meatloaves, sometimes I skip cleaning and just play. I only wear makeup on Sundays, special occasions or on days that I just need to feel a bit younger or prettier. I drink too much Dr. Pepper and some days, I spend too much time just hanging out with my friends or the kids. I lose my keys quite often and every once in a while I accidentally cuss. But to Ryan, these things don't matter much and for that I am thankful. He loves me faults and all and I am the girl he has spent 15 years with. So here's to making the next 5,475 days the best they can be! And here's to being thankful for the wonderful life that we have and the people we love.

The other calendar

The other calendar is a gift I got for my Birthday from a girl who knows me almost as well as I know myself. It hangs on the back of my closet door which most of the time stays open. First I will say Ryan really doesn't mind this. I'm telling you the truth! Ryan gave me a huge Edwards poster in my Christmas stocking that hangs on the back of our bedroom door. He makes fun of my Twilight obsession any chance that he gets. We both know how silly, stupid and juvenile this whole thing is. That being said, it's fun to talk, read, watch anything Twilight with friends and it gives us something to do other than eat, sew, talk about our kids and guzzle Dr. Pepper when we get together. Yes, there is a double standard. I wouldn't like for him to have a picture of some 20 year old actress hanging on his side of the closet but I'm pretty sure that I could let it slide if that's what he chose to do. After all, next month we will be married for 15 years and we are for the most part happy. Honestly, if it made him uncomfortable or jealous, I promise I would know and I
would take it down.

You know you're obsessed with Twilight when: 1.You have to stop yourself from reading the series again. 2. You have a playlist for each book 3. The characters in the movie will never live up to the ones in your head 4. You have memorized your favorite quotes from the books. 5.You have posters in your room and you're over 30 and last but not least, you're friends paint your van with a Twilight reference for your Birthday. I'm not gonna lie, it was fun! The picture you can't see is from the back of the van, it says HONK it's her Birthday! We got honked at all day and one time on the highway while Ryan was changing lanes and he thought we were crashing and dying. I laughed so hard that he made me drive for the rest of the day. The other funny thing is I got honked at even in my driveway. People would literally drive by and honk.

The rest of the day was pretty awesome too! Lunch and snow tubing with family, dinner at Grandma Patsy's and shopping at the Stockyard Mercantile http://www.stockyardmercantile.com/ with a cousin that I don't even deserve to be friends with now because I was so mean to her when we were kids. So thank you Emily for being my friend!