So it's been a while

I wrote two blog entries in the month of May and didn't finish or publish either one. Did I run out of things to say? Nope! I just ran out of time to think uninterrupted thoughts in a peaceful and quiet environment. For me that place was the gym and uhhh I haven't been to the gym in quite a while. I think my mind misses it as much or more than my body does! I have realized that the only time I can think clearly is when I'm on the elliptical machine and I feel like I'm all alone and the only thoughts or needs I have for those 35 minutes are my own. No crying or filling milk cups or *yelling, errrrr, uhhh I mean *playing with the kids. Just kidding. Yes, I do yell (I know bad. Very bad.) but I also laugh, play, read, teach and have fun with my sweet kiddos. One time my Mom told me that she thought I was a better mother than she was. (Just so ya' know, my Mom is a great Mom) She said I was made to be a Mom. Well, as much as I want to be the perfect person or perfect mother, I'm not. But I do hope that my kids end up being better parents to their own kids because of me. Maybe they will do some things the way that I do or maybe they will do some things for their kids because I didn't do certain things for them. All I know is that the whole world goes away, every sorrow, care or disappointment disappears and every fiber of your being is filled with love when at the end of the day, your child wraps their arms around you and tells you that they love you and that you are the best Mom in the world.

So what's been going on? Just stuff. John just finished the first grade and is moving on to second. Ryan is on a new shift at work and has been able to spend more time with me and the kids and it really has been fun! We all sleep in a little, we go fishing, watch movies, take walks, go swimming and watch John's T-Ball games. Anna loves all this summer fun! She is so happy to have her Dad and brother home with us during the day! As for me...Maybe, just maybe I will finish the quilt that I started in October of 2010...Sewing is not my strong suit. As it turns out I can sew anything together the wrong way. And to top it off, I can't even cut in a strait line, even when I use the ruler thingy. I have a hard time following directions and over the years I have become a bit impatient. So anyways, maybe one day I will finish that dang quilt and be able to forget the harsh feelings I have towards it and give it to my daughter with love. And then I will start on a new quilt for my sweet John. He wants a twin sized American Flag colored quilt so that he can take it with him to college, then on his mission and then to the Army. Ummmmm. Can't talk, write or think about that for too long because it makes me feel the need to fall to my knees and beg for these sweet times that my kids are young to never end. Is it bad that when I try to picture John as a teen or an adult all I see is the way he looks now? Yes, I know I have trouble letting go of things. It's who I am.