Things I've learned from T-Ball

Yes, I know the title of the post should really be things John has learned from T-Ball...But what can I say, this whole little league thing has really opened my eyes to a few things.

1. It's finally time for me to admit that well, I have kinda, sorta over the years turned into a pretty intense person. There. I said it. Oh, I've tried to rationalize it. I say things to myself like, I'm only passionate about parenting. Oh wait...And our country, politics, my faith, Twilight and uh now, T-ball. Why my friends am I so dang fanatical about T-Ball, it is after all, only T-Ball...Right? Well let me tell you what I think. It's not the game that gets my adrenaline going. I've come to the conclusion that the root of the problem is this: For the first time in John's life, I can't help him. I'm not in control of the outcome. He's on his own. And it kills me. I want to be able to protect him from any failure, bad feeling, wrong choice and/or loss. I've learned that all those things I want to do are not possible or sane and that if I try to do those things I will be robbing him of the good things that come from making his own choices, working hard to accomplish a goal and succeeding on his own. So anyways, this year has been a year of new beginnings for John. This was his first year of riding the bus, going to school all day, making his own friends, making a lot of his own choices, suffering his own consequences, playing ball and liking girls. It's also time for me to let him know that it's ok, wait no, it's good for him to let go of Mom and accomplish good things on his own. The only problem is me. I don't want to let go. I want to get him dressed, hold him, read to him, brush his teeth, hear about every part of his day, kiss him a hundred times and laugh at his silly jokes and funny faces.

2. It's ALWAYS COLDER on a baseball field than it is anywhere else in the whole entire town.

3. It's ok to lose. No, it's better than ok, it's necessary. In my life I have learned more from the losses than the wins. In fact, you won't find a better teacher than heartbreak, let downs, lost chances, bounced checks, regret and mistakes. So as much as I want to shield John from all those things, they are just part of life and they must happen so that he can grow to be a stronger better person who understands accountability, self-control and determination. But more than that he will grow to appreciate the sweet and good things in life and cherish them. Once you taste bitterness the sweet is so much better. I have always like that old saying: May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

4. It's impossible to keep up with all the baseball equipment and the entire uniform. We are already missing the belt. And a red sock...

5. Why can't I stop myself from being a crazy nutcase when John is playing??? I can't tell you how many times I've yelled at him on the field. Things like: Look alive, pay attention, CATCH THE BALL, run home, throw it to third, THROW IT HOME and last but notleast RUUUNNNN! And to make it worse, I'm not even supposed to be doing that. He has three really good coaches on the field with him at all times that will tell him what to do. I feel so bad about myself that I want to send a note of apology to the coaches. I promise I am trying to stop. Lets see how it goes tonight, maybe I can for once keep my lips sealed.

6. How will I ever make it through pictching machine and real baseball if I can barely make it through T-Ball? Why am I crazy now? I made it through basketball and soccer just fine. The difference is he loves baseball and he may have a talent for it.

Switching Gears

Often times, I write just because I like to or sometimes just to vent. And just between you and me, writing has always been my secret, silly and what I over the years had come to think of as "my long lost and unobtainable dream." I always wanted to be a published author or a journalist or a freelnace writer. Maybe even a big time blogger like Pioneer Woman but I have decided now is not the time to polish and practice my writing skills. Over months of visiting a friend's blog (yeah Birrd, I'm talking about you) and admiring how hers is more of a journal and a way to document everyday life, I have decided to do the same. I want to remeber the small things, the everyday things. I want to look back at this blog in a few years and be able to read about what we did on a Tuesday afternoon or just whatever. Small, everyday things that make up the sum of our lives. So I'm switching gears in an effort to document now for later. A family history blog. So no more holding back on a post just because what I want to write about that day seems like something no one else wants to read about. Here comes all the cute and funny things that my kids say, that trip down memory lane that no one but me wants to take or just the rambling thoughts, small breakthroughs and spirtual promptings of a stay at home Mom doing the best she can for those she loves.

We have two rules in our home

1st rule: Obey the first time. 2nd rule: Be kind. I find that with those two rules everything else is taken care of. Things like sharing, no fighting and talking back fall under the rule of be kind. It is working because it allows growth, understanding, choices and consequences. I received a prompting at church on Sunday that the plan that I have made for my children is much like the plan our Heavenly Father has for us, his children. God gave us our families so that we can grow to be more like him and more like our Savior Jesus Christ. As parents, we are more able to feel and understand a love that is never ending. A love so tremendous that we can barely express it through words so we show it through what we do for those we love. That means service, sacrifices and time. For parents, service often means cleaning the house, oh and the clothes, the bodies and teeth of those we love. Or maybe it's preparing meals, tending to sick children or any and everything else that our families need from us. Service if we let it, allows us to become more Christ like because it helps us to want to put the needs of others first. Being a parent also helps us to feel more compassion for others and it helps us to also understand the need for guidance and the protection given in following rules. The hard parts of parenting help us grow too. When our children do things that we wish they wouldn't or things that we know will hurt them, maybe it gives us a glimpse of how Heavenly Father feels when we put him last, make bad choices or forget who we are. Just as we would all want our children to come back to us and do the right thing and love them just the same or maybe even more. I know that Heavenly Father feels that and more for us too. Only, he wants us to go and find our brothers and sisters who are lost and show them the way home too.

I live by a church that often posts little thoughts on a board in front of their building. One day a while back, the sign read: God loves you just the way you are. And it bugged me every time I drove past it. I wanted to scream, Yes, he does love you just the way you are but he wants more for you. I believe that he wants us to grow and change for the better. He wants us to love and serve each other. Repent and ask for help to change. Not just believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true and do nothing more than merely believe. We wouldn't want our children to get to a certain point in life and just stop growing and changing and becoming better and do nothing more than simply exist until their time on earth was up.

So I took the long way around but I think what I was trying to say is that being a parent is a blessing and if we let it, parenting will draw us near unto God. Like I said in the beginning, if my children follow the rules we have at home, everything else will take care of it's self and my hope is they will have goodness and happiness in life. I also believe if we follow the "first and Greatest Commandment" to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt a love thy neighbour as thyself. That as President Monson likes to say - everything else will take care of it's self.

Earn it first

I really love John's Tee Ball team and his Coaches. I like that our coaches teach them how to really play the game the right way and that they are expected to show respect to their own teammates as well as the teams they are playing. I like it when I hear the coaches say things at practice like "earn it first" because lets be honest, the kids are learning about more than just baseball, they are learning about life. They are getting to the age where they are learning things about life through their own experiences and from other adults and their peers. These will be some of their first lessons they learn about team work, playing fair, hard work, follow through, winning and losing and how to do both with honor. So may new things. School, sports, new friends is when our kids will start to notice that they have been raised differently than a lot of kids out there and that they will have to work hard to stay set apart from the world's view on things and not do what is easy but what is right. Believe it or not, it starts right now, when they are young. Yes, I may be taking which team he is on and his conduct in the sport too seriously, but to me the lessons he learns today build his character and will help give him the strength and the knowledge that he will need for the rest of his life.

It's time

Hi! I haven't blogged in so long because well, I don't like blogging about negative things and bad feelings. And honestly, lately I have felt uninspired, boring and sick. So what's keeping me down? A bad gallbladder that has been described to me by my doctor as not just sick but very sick. I think he said that twice. And about three to five times it's normal size. Let me tell you, a sick gallbladder is so painful. The gallbladder attacks that I had were so painful that I didn't know if I could make it through them consciously, nor did I want to. Passing out on the bathroom floor after the fourth episode of vomiting while in the midst of severe pain would have been a welcome blessing. The pain was so bad that I thought I was having a heart attack at the age of 31. My chest was exploding, I was short of breath, tremendous back pain, unyielding shoulder pain and more pain than I had ever felt. Ok, enough of that! You get the picture and I think I am writing myself into another attack. No need to re-live the worst pain I have ever felt.

The other thing weighing me down was the looming Government shutdown, which for my husband could have possibly meant unemployment. Rumors are still circulating about layoffs and furloughs, as early as Monday. Tomorrow, the day of my surgery. I keep thinking, am I going to wake up from surgery and find out that my husband doesn't have a job anymore? I can find the good in that though... At least I'm awake to hear the news because that means I made it through the surgery that everyone keeps telling me is no big deal, it's nothing. Apparently my dad went to a concert the same day he had his removed. Let's hope that I'm that blessed!

On to the good stuff now! I have been so blessed with so much love from my family and friends. My Mom is going to be at the hospital with me while my kids are being taken care of by Ryan's parents. The Relief Society is bringing dinner to our family tomorrow. One of my best friends will have my kids all day Tuesday and is even taking them to McDonald's for McTeacher night and has offered to do my laundry, clean my house or just lay around with me and hang out while I recover. Life doesn't get better than being blessed with so many people who bring life, laughter and love to us in such profound ways. I also keep thinking how lucky we are to get the privilege to love so many back. I feel thankful that without even having to ask, those that I love are coming to my rescue. Thank you!

And last but not least, the kids and I had a great weekend. Ryan had to work and we missed him but the kids and I made the best of our time. We had a sweet picnic in the park, fed the ducks and played. Our funny picture from the picnic was just an impromptu self portrait that has really made us laugh. I wish that my kids could know how much I love them and how happy they have made my life. I try to show it by being the best mother that I can be but for some reason, it doesn't seem like pouring out my love to them with every fiber of my being is enough. I bet that even if I had an eternity on this earth with them to show them my love, it wouldn't be enough. That's what makes this life and our time on earth so profound. That no matter how much time we spend with those we love, it is never enough. My grandma is 81 and even if she lived another 50 years it wouldn't be enough for me. I will never be ready to say goodbye to those I love. Here's the thing about that. I don't think I will have to say goodbye forever. I believe that through the atonement and redemption we find in Christ, that we will all live again. Even more than that we will live again in a place where goodbyes don't exist and time is eternity with our loved ones and if we are worthy, we will enter into the presence of Christ our redeemer and our Father in Heaven. I am so thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Plan of Salvation. I am thankful for this life, my family and my friends. We are all so blessed to be able to live everyday in comfortable homes with nice beds, heating and air, food and all the while surrounded by love. Life is good, even when it's not what we dreamed it would be.